Why I overworked and risked my health

As a professional project manager, a key part of the job is self-regulation. My employers expect me to balance competing needs, such as pushing my team to deliver projects successfully while not crossing a line of unethical or disrespectful conduct. As I search for a new contract role, I notice that the job descriptions stress the people side of the work. Work has focused more on the employee’s welfare since the Covid-19 pandemic and the growing Great Resignation.

However, from the beginning of my career, I’ve never wanted to trade off how I treat people for getting ahead at work. I’ve always felt I have to lead in a way that creates psychological safety for my team AND meets the success criteria my job has set for me. To accomplish competing goals, something had to give, and it was my needs, my welfare, my self-care, and my psychological safety.

Deep down, I had a value system that worked one way for my service to others and a different way for how I treated myself. I didn’t fully see this until I finished a career memoir about burnout and stress at work and how I overcame them. I thought I was writing something that could be almost an employee handbook for my colleagues and young people entering the workforce so they didn’t harm their mental or physical health as I did.

The thing I soon learned about memoir writing is the truth wants to get on the page, and as I wrote what was pushing up in me to get written, I saw that “I” was part of the problem. As the chapters formed, I saw decades of choices I had to protect my health, and while I often did things to stay balanced, I often overworked deliberately and stubbornly against the advice of people who loved me.

Why did I do that?

The answer was not what I thought of when I began my writing process. The “why” of overwork came out after I finished the manuscript, and it is simply because there was a core part of me I didn’t fully acknowledge, see, and accept with compassion. Only when I found that inner part and took good care of it did I truly overcome my overworking tendencies. The amazing part is this inner work released so much energy that I have that energy to pour into my health, my family, my writing … and yes, even a lot left over to pour into work. I enjoy working now because I know how to find balance, and I know how to fill my cup, so there is enough for all parts of my life – work, family, and me. I thought it was about getting to the finish line and retiring from work forever, but now I see that work can be a source of pleasure and meaning without trading off my health.

I can’t wait to share the full story with you and hear your stories of finding balance at work. I truly believe we each carry everything within us to bring joy and peace to our world, even if we feel overwhelmed and burnt out. A part of the solution is to do our real work – the one on the inside.