I just wrapped up a four-month sabbatical that I gifted to myself. It was a break from the hustle of project management in the technology sector to ‘fill the well’ and contemplate my purpose as I transitioned into my 50s. This was a spontaneous decision that arose during a meditation session in March.
As a contract PM, I didn’t have a job to return to. As my return-to-work date approached, I launched a job search. I spent some quiet time in meditation, reflecting on what I wanted from my next work experience. A few intentions for how I wanted to work in this last phase before ‘real’ retirement arose as I meditated:
- I wanted to feel joy in my work – a sense of accomplishment.
- I wanted to work with people who brought kindness to the workplace.
- I wanted to be in an organization I could feel connection and positivity.
As I formulated these intentions, it was like the universe responded with abundance. Three opportunities came my way with these attributes, and it was hard to say no to some of the warm and genuine people I met during the interviews. I realized how lucky I was for the ability to go back to work when I had no such guarantee as a contract worker.
As grateful and blessed as I felt, I was also mindful that I was a little sad to end this three-quarter life break. Again, sitting in meditation with this feeling of sadness and longing, I realized I had one more opportunity on the table – one I hadn’t seen. I had time off, and I had my Mom still with me in perfect health. I was fortunate, and I had the urge to spend time with her – to cherish her and fully appreciate her from the wisdom of my fifty-year-old self.
I asked my new client if we could delay my start by a week – they said no problem. I asked Mom to go somewhere together, and she was so excited. We looked at Caribbean, Mediterranean, and Alaskan last-minute cruises, but with the pandemic and uncertainty of travel involving transfers and rigid time schedules, it felt more stressful than relaxing. Then Mom said her best friend since the age of eleven had a standing invitation to visit her in Barbados, and we could go stay in her home. This felt right, and I knew the destination didn’t matter as much as having one-on-one time with Mom, who selflessly spreads herself thin across our extended family.
I booked our tickets on points, and off we went to visit my Aunty D (in South Asian culture, anyone your parents’ age is aunty or uncle, regardless of if you’re related.) Aunty D lives in the south end of Barbados, and every day we walked down to the shore road and followed it for about 2km to Paradise Beach in Oistens for a morning swim. During these walks, the natural beauty of Barbados crashed all my senses – the jewel blues of the ocean and sky, the pinks of the flowers, and multiple greens in the palm trees, grass, and thick leaves of the flowering trees. Also, I couldn’t help noticing the stunning homes facing the ocean — mansions with perfect gardens and million-dollar views.
Aunty D told me she called the ocean side of the shore road the ‘butter side’, because of the wealth and privilege of having ocean frontage. The other side of the street Aunty D called the ‘margarine side.’ These homes could still hear the ocean waves and see the glimpses of the ocean – they just didn’t have that unobstructed view or the ability to enter the water from their property.
Her description stuck with me as I came back home. As I meditated one morning back in Canada from this lovely trip, I realized that during my meditations, I usually end up with a more joyful, peaceful view of life. It’s like meditation opens my eyes to a world that is an ocean of possibilities where the only limiting factor is my limited view. I enter meditation on the ‘margarine side’ of life almost every session. As I get quiet, the first things that come up are anxieties, worries, complaints, and fears, which stop me from feeling peace and happiness. Then, as I sit with them and invite the part of my mind that is the Watcher or Observer into a meditation session, something happens in the presence of this unconditionally loving consciousness. I start to feel happiness, gratitude, and love rising up.
Just like that, I go from a view of life as something is missing to seeing that nothing is missing at all.
I’m still on my meditation mat, with every external condition of my life unchanged. However, my inner world has changed with the subtle energy of joy and peace. Most powerful is that I am guided to the best decisions. So many insights, breakthroughs, and decisions come from sitting in the sacred stillness of my true (inner) home, unobstructed from joy and peace. Suspending the day-to-day mind gives room for others things to arise, like compassion, empowering ideas like taking a break from work, or joyful ideas like booking a trip with a cherished loved one. Meditation expands the mind’s horizon like nothing else I’ve ever found. You leave the ego-driven side of the street and cross over to the soul-driven side of the street for a few minutes.
On our last night in Barbados, we all walked from my Aunt’s home to a small open space between two grand houses. It was a sliver of oceanfront public land. We watched the nightly show of the setting sun, clouds, and ocean. This show was for anyone who decided to show up and watch.
I realized that it works the same way in meditation. You just show up and watch. From this observing mode, you have a less obstructed view of reality and are more empowered to make positive changes.
And while the view and setting sun was spectacular, the thing that burst my heart was gratitude for spending the week with my Mom and seeing her so relaxed, rested, and enjoying life.
